what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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