Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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