I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
