Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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