she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
