He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
