Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
