sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
