'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
