Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
