Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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