i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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