we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
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