haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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