Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
