i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
