I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
