I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
