I accidentally had phone sex last night
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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