there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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