oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
