she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
