Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
