Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
its liver damage thursday
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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