I'm drive I can fine osifer
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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