I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
