Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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