I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize