I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
