i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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