i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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