Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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