her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
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I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
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You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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