I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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