he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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