Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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