Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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