moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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