He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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