my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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