I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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