Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
All I want is dick and wine.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
