I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
P.S. I can't hear my feet
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
