she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
