Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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