I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
