Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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