HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize