the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
