I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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