lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
