He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
