I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
