if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
