did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
