I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
