U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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