Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
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All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
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I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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