the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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