he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
