Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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