Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
