Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
