Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
