I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
