is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
