i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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