She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
